Failed Emotions!

Do you follow the rules of love?
Mr. Love Definer says (thats what I call him, for he made the current rules of love, like, to please a gal,) these are MUST FOLLOW RULES:

1. Wish her with a huge bouquet of nice RED flowers, and AT LEAST one ROSE- should be red! Even if you are in the middle of Sahara desert where you are unable to see a single cactus plant. Come on!! Why crib? Blue dart, fed-ex sab hai na! Now a days you have Gati too!!
2. Give her a balloon, of heart shape! Should be red!..
...and so on and so forth!

(I am sorry Mr. LD (Love Definer), but what is with you and Red colour? During your times, were you the only gardener with red roses or a chemical manufacturer of Red color? But, this is your rule. So, its up to you!)

So, abiding to the rules set by LD, I always gave my wanna be their bf gals, red roses, red balloons, red what not? even chocolates candies, ordered red wine, and once when I was out of ideas and cash, wanted to even beat her so hard that she would bleed, and then take a balloon, color it with her RED....(oh no! This is dangerous! lets leave this idea. Gals, I never said that and you never read that!!)

And, innocent me, was I approaching a gal, standing at a restaurant, dressed in newly ironed jeans, with her make-up, that was reflecting how much the beauty parlor guy wanted to be M.F Hussain, and had an idea of re-painting Monalisa, look like Madhuri Dixit! (Actually, making one seem not that person is no more an art! Every passport photographer has HUGE experience in doing something to your face, due to which you would be jailed for atleast 3 days, because the Airport officials thought that you are traveling on a fake passport, stolen from a person (whose name was the name mentioned by you when they interrogated for your name!)

So, I was approaching the gal, who seemed to smile. And, suddenly I felt an itch on my backside of the neck. I tried to catch that bloody mosquito which is troubling me on such a beautiful day. I found out that it was a radio activated spider, and due to its bite, I could see the thoughts of the persons who were facing me, in small balloons (just like in those cartoons! But believe me, I promise! It is true!!!)

So, once I came to know of the new power I got, I was so happy! I went to my gal, faced her, and slowly was revealing the red rose I brought for her. These were her thoughts i peeked into.."Oh My God!! He has brought a red rose!....He....!) and suddenly, I saw the gal, giving a huge cry, out and loud " I love you jaaanu...!) and hugging a stud looking guy, who I feel had come from NOWHERE till that moment!

That day, when ever I took out the red rose to give it to ANY gal, she suddenly started avoiding me! I didnt understand a thing! I felt low! After two barrels of beer and lots of thinking, I think I dozed off that night on the sofa in my room!

Then, it suddenly struck, I knew the reason! It wasnt my fault!! It was Mr.LD's fault! He had chosen the wretched color red! Well, my explanation is, when ever I approached any gal with anything red in my hands, (maybe because i was so very tense about her reply), I used to turn dead white, and I looked exactly like the white skulls with 2 bones (in this case my hands), coming towards the gal in RED thoughts! She would have thought it was DANGER!

Ever visited any plant or a factory or at least a transformer which gives power to your locality? The answer lies there!! I am an Electronics & Communications Doctor! Yes! I am a doctor and not an engineer! Because those wires, those machines mean junk of iron and copper and nothing else for me! But, what attracts my attention is the red bright warning written "DANGER!!!", sometimes with a skull and two bones of god knows whose! But this sight will surely say, though I dont know whose they were! But, mine wont add up to them!! The moment I see the transformer, I get thoughts of death, shock, and CPR (Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation, in case the victim is a gal! Yes I am a cheap and mean male pig! But who knows? It might help you know!!)

But, what rose in me, after this eureka moment was not that I must use some other color. But, the question, that how can Man, define death, danger and things of similar level of application, in Red color, when he himself symbolized Love and heart in the same red color?

Did he mean that "When you are in Love, you see a RED heart! That is, you would see that your heart is in danger, you would die soon. So beware!!" ? Or was he a suicidal bent of mind guy, who always wanted to relate his love towards death, danger and dread, and thus symbolized the color with these two opposite feelings?

Well, what was in his mind, I cant say. But, guys, tell me, do you feel Danger when ever your sweet heart presents you a small gift, wrapped up in a red box, with a pair of red ribbons made into a knot? Do you see it as a symbol of danger, peek to your pockets and deprive you of a cutting chai and moti goldflake, danger to your untamed life of wilderness, or do you see as the danger prevailing on the partial celibacy you would end up in following, once you get married with your lady love?

Or, was Mr.LD just a mad suicidal tendency guy whose rules you don't give a damn!?

Skewed Definitions

Hello again,

Does anybody keeps a track of the number of new things that one learns everyday? I just can't. And Due to either my poor understanding capabilties, or due to some unforseen circumstances/unknown reasons (like an alien who came to my room day before yesterday, to have a chat about the beautiful Aishwarya Rai, and what to do in order to kidnap her, woo her, etc, after the chat was done with, he/it wore a pair of black goggles, took a pen, and FLASH, it comepletely erased off my memory!!! Shift deleted the whose meeting occarance! Luckily for me, being a Software developer, I managed to just take a backup-using my camcorder, and thus, get back all the details. Aish, reading this? Beware, he/it is coming to kidnap you!!

Well, in the regular cases, I generally dont back up every thing I learn that day. And due to this, I tend to completely forget the basic definitions of the innumerable things that I learn each day.

Today, when I was having my lunch, my train of thoughts were somewhat in this manner. "What if an earthquake occurs right here, right now?...OMG i gotta do something for saving my ass! I aint even married!!...Sigh! Only if I had the power to control the earthquake and make it occur after I leave the place! Sigh! Only if God had more faith in me, that I could handle such powers/responsibilities. Why does God not have faith in regulars like me, but believe in those imbecile cartoons (who dont even know the proper way to wear an underwear), and vests such stupendous powers in those complete morons?.....Only if I had the power to betray the nature...Why does Man need to suffer for things which he didnt screw up? These natural things you know..!!!"

" Our man-made things are lot better! They listen to our commands, and work in a manner that is highly predictable, atleast in ideal cases...By the way, if my computer is a man-made thing, then is that Palm tree I am seeing across the window a man-made thing too? (I was actually surprised to see the method of growing nice palm trees in Saudi Arabia. Its pretty simple!. Want a fully grown palm tree in front of your house? All you need to do is find a fully grown tree, dig that out of its place, plant it in front of your house! And lo and behold! Your palm tree is ready, and it really is alive!)..So...IS this palm tree a man-made thing?"

Thinking in this manner, I suddenly felt, I totally forgot the definition of the Man-made. I felt like a duffer! I searched hungrily in the net for its definition. And this is what I came across:

"When something is man-made, it has been made by humans, not nature. For example, a "man-made satellite" is one made by humans, while a moon is a satellite that was not made by humans." [ link: http://simple.wikipedia.org/wiki/Man-made ]. Chic and clearcut! Right?...But this actually made me really confused!

Ok. Let me try to understand it by logic. Tree - Natural Thing. Why? Because, even without the interference of Man, a tree can be born, grow and die. It doesnt need a Man's help.

Rat - Natural. (Their deaths are mostly man-made though) Why? Same reason as above.

Tsunami - Natural. Why? Because, Man doesnt have any control, power on it, and it can have its origin without the help of Man. (Yes, many earthquakes and tsunamis are the reasons behind Man's fiddling with the nature, but, they can also occur, even if we be just the cave men.

All was well until here. Now, Man- Natural...Why? just as the reason of RAT or TREE? or because of the reason of tsunami? What if all mankind suddenly decide not to reproduce? (I know, its a very very brave and tough decision, and I am totally against such rules, dont worry, but...what IF?) Then there would be no mankind. Our species would go into the records of "EXTINCT". Tigers will create sanctuaries for us, and make slogans like, "Men are the most intelligent animals in this world, (I really dont know which dumbass has got such an idea of not to reproduce, anyway, its not my headache), SAVE MEN". There would be atleast a few hundreds of WMFs (World Manlife Fund).

What does this show? Without a man's action YOU CAN FORGET THE WAY MAN IS MADE! (Now a days we are getting genetically made humans. Atleast reasearch is on, if not successful. Even they cannot be born if MAN (both men and women), considers against the idea of growing the species' future!

Does this mean Man is a man-made thing? This is absurd. Something is wrong with the definition of MAN-MADE. The above definition is totally skewed up! But whats the correct definition? Please help me out guys!

Whats in a name!

There was a movie saved in the D drive. I wanted to carry it home and watch it in my laptop during the weekend. I did not have an external memory device with me. I thought of borrowing it from my colleague. Thus, I went to him and asked, "Dude, do you have a pen drive?" We call it 'pen drive' or 'flash drive' in Bangalore. My colleague was from Sudan. He gave me a quick glance, and asked, "What do you need?"

I presumed that my friend was totally immersed in his task (of logging out of his computer to call it a day) that he could not actually hear me. "Pen drive", I replied.
"What is a pen drive?" he asked, showing the same emotions of an irritated arts professor, when his 7th class son asked him, "papa, what is the difference between force and torque"!! I tried to explain him, what do I actually need, and why do I need it. He laughed saying, "Oh! Flash..." and instantly handed me his 'USB-memory stick'. While I was copying the movie into the device, my thoughts started rolling. Movie-Bipasha Basu-Item number-D drive-Pen drive...or Flash? Why is it flash and not flash drive? Why is it called flash drive? Why in Bangalore we call it Pen drive? Why is it called a drive? Does it take me to any place? Does it need any petrol? I again was in my crazy Tell me why mode!

Pen drive - the name given to the device probably because, it was small and portable like a pen. Flash drive, again the synonymous name of the same device, which shows the characteristic of it to copy loads of data from a computer memory, in a flash? Maybe. But heck! What’s in a name!

I went to the Feroz Restaurant (in hara- Hayyul wazarat, Riyadh), to have my lunch. I ordered for a meal, and again started thinking. Why the place is called Hayyul wazarat? Why did it become Hara in short? Why not Haat? Or Hawa? These questions again led me to the same question that was lingering in some corner of my mind, amidst likes of bhendi curry, bipasha basu and others, the reason of the name "Flash Drive".

Man names different things in his native tongue, which reflects the characteristics of the particular thing. This will serve a double fold purpose. To remember the thing in an easier manner and also to know what it does just by looking at the name of it. Like, if we consider a company called Geotech, it straight away gives us a thought of a company, basically technical company, which has something to do with Geography. Either, it would mean that the company is every where on the earth (geoid), or it can deal with a Geographic technology system, or so on and so forth.

This conclusion suddenly gave me weird thought. Man, creates/discovers/invents things at ease and names them in such a beautiful manner, which on just knowing the tongue in which that naming has been done, gives us the core or the basic character sketch of the thing or device he invented/discovered/made. Man has been highly successful in giving such sweet meaningful names. (Thinking about meaningful names, my grand mom is a blood pressure patient and the salt she uses was named Lona. Lo-Na. Na- Sodium! Really, ‘to the point and meaningful’ naming convention).

But why do we say, what’s in a name? Why did the first person say what’s in a name? What was actually going through his mind when he said that? Till this instant, we could feel, there’s everything in a name. But, the other side is really THE other side of the story. Man was highly successful in naming things that he made, in a ‘to the point and meaningful’ manner. But same man, when he gives the name to a living thing that he assisted in making, goes completely off the hook!

Man names his child after great personalities, gods, good feelings, nice emotions and basically the good side of the world. What he expects while he names his child is that his child would grow to be similar to that name. My parents named me Pavan. According to Indian languages Pavan is Air. Maybe my parents wanted me to be as swift as air. And I broke my knee once, my collar bone once, and I tore my knee ligaments, due to which, forget as swift as Indian air, I don’t think I can be as swift as vacuum if it were a moving thing. Yea! I proved my name in my swiftness in breaking my body bones and falling prey to innumerable accidents!

Why is the same man, who is so logical in naming things, is a total failure in naming living things? His failure isn’t his mistake. Who knows what one is bound to grow up into? In that case, then why does one "pre decide" that "...My son should be as good as M.K.Gandhi. Let me name him Mohandas." It might not be his mistake for his child's development in a direction against what a name suggests. But is it his mistake to judge a thing before he sees its full potential? Or is it a positive thought/wish?

Well, this third party problem will never have any logical solution, unless one follows Abhishek Bachhan in his Idea ad, 981234587ji..................